Como la flor o los frijoles

Just how the title of this song by Selena and the word ‘beans’ seems a bit random, this blog may be the most random I’ve ever written. Bare with me as I bare my soul in no particular order.

It’s literally been a year since my last blog. I’m super thankful for having had the opportunity to step back out into the missions field and to write this little blog to brag about God. I was in Tegucigalpa, Honduras this past week with Bethany Church (we all represented various cultures, languages, church campuses, and experience on the mission field). We were a team of 7: Pastor James (our leader who has led hundreds of teams and works with Surge Network), Victoria, Kaleb, Seneca, Samera, Dave, y mi. A year ago today I was hurting and healing and feeling a bit angry while thankful. I can gracefully say today I just feel full.

A few weeks ago marked a full year of going through counseling with a therapist from the Foursquare denomination I am licensed to preach with. I’ve also been in school now finishing my Bachelors for the past two years with a university of the same denomination. I graduate this December 🙌🏽.

Counseling, my family+close friends, CrossFit, Life Pacific University, and this past missions trip has fueled my healing and climatizing back into my hometown with eyes set to love more purposefully out of the deep well that is my relationship with Jesus that has been tried and tested for many years to say the least.

It’s hard to live in a country for a few years with great poverty spiritually, emotionally, and physically speaking. Cambodia took a toll on my body, spirit, soul, and mind. I still love Southeast Asia though and long to return to see my family there.

I couldn’t sleep for months last year but I did write a lot of songs. God used my healing and hurting season to help me tap into the depths of my soul to create melodies with a message. As I’ve readjusted to my home culture I’ve been riding the waves of doing all that I had predetermined to do when I was in India.

This month my studio version of “Let Go (India)” appropriately dropped. It was very timely because for some reason my heart was finally doing that, letting things go. Letting the fact that I can’t save anyone go. Letting go of any past hurts and hang ups from my life or life on the field. I’ve learned that only when we let things go can we open our arms back up to embrace the new that God has for us. The new was going to Honduras though our trip was originally supposed to go to Cuba (but God works like that, always shifts and redirects).

How it came about:

God was like, “do it, join Bethany missions and go to Cuba.”

COVID restrictions and political unrest was like “no”

I was like “oh, this is how faith is anyways. You think it’s one way, but you have to get out of the way, release control and just go with it”. So to Honduras we go.

My identity was wrapped up in being an American, a missionary, and a leader while in Asia. When I returned home I felt as though I was rebuilding my life. This year I feel extremely blessed. I’ve kept the faith and struggled upward. There’s a new song by Elevation and Maverick city called “Million Little Miracles”. It repeats the phrase when talking about how God provides little miracles for us all of the time- “I can’t even count them all”.

Not to compare my past experiences but just to say that there’s been sweet moments on this trip, I want to brag about “the miracles…1,2,3,4 I can’t even count them all”🎶.

When I went to Asia, I sold or gave everything* to my name to live totally carefree on the field with only what I could carry. I returned home two years later with less than I brought in. I also had a team of 14 my first year that dwindled to 7. My second year I had a team of 7 that struggled with many health concerns (personally, I got into moto accidents, had dengue fever, etc). This time, many people from Louisiana and around the world sent me financial support for this short term trip. I felt the love from my many different connections throughout the years.

My new team of 7 this trip were seasoned Christians and our mature dynamic really helped us share the gospel a lot. I love rubbing shoulders with people who are looking for opportunities to share the love of Jesus, you can’t help but want to do the same.

I think watching God provide for this trip was a reminder of God’s faithfulness that I had needed to remember. Furthermore, God putting me in a team of 7 was like a nod to my past, as if He wanted to remind me that He’s been with me every step of the way. And He knows I do well with small armies.

It’s easy on trips like these to feel God’s presence more than normal. The difference is in our expectation and belief that God is speaking to us or directing our steps on trips like this versus in the mundane.

I see God more in my mundane.

Back home, God is the reason I have had favor substitute teaching, as well as with my music camp. These jobs allow me to be so flexible to take trips like such and be involved with local ministries like FaithRx. What I’m trying to mainly express is that we should all look around us and continue to remain steadfast. Life is an upward climb where God will direct our steps and also will remind us of His hand on our life. I was reminded this week that I love languages. Our translators championed me to study and return to help translate next time. This was/ is a challenge I am willing to accept. On my journey with Jesus He has thus far brought me to so many different countries (Mexico, France, Belgium, Canada, India, Malaysia, Thailand, Honduras, and Cambodia) when it’s not like I make a ton of money. It doesn’t matter- He is a provider especially to those who trust in Him to do/ go/be. Also, because of Him I sing (something that I will share more about in an upcoming blog), play guitar, piano, and ukulele. Because of Jesus I speak English, French, Khmer, and am working on my 4th language Spanish. Because of Jesus and my past with sports I’ve been able to play soccer in every country I’ve been in except Belgium, Thailand, &Malaysia and have been able to compete in a CrossFit competition last month. A sport that reminds me of the Christian life.

God is fulfilling my dreams and is investing in me. He is also putting my life on loop. The themes are languages, music, muscles, missions, and teaching. I’m writing this out because I want to encourage you to look at your own life. What keeps circling back no matter what season you are in or where you live? How has God continuously blessed and opened doors for you? How are you using these gifts for God or thanking Him for leading you? Without trying to be another “savior” I came to Honduras to learn and partner. I want to lead locals from my hometown abroad on short or long stints abroad. My goal is to actually take one missions trip a year (in the summer). By stepping out and fundraising for Honduras God has begun to set those connections in my town up for such endeavors. By connecting with Surge Network and Bethany, I believe God is fashioning and developing divine connections for just that.

I substitute teach in my hometown and many of my students are bilingual. Before I left for Cambodia, as I shared in a past blog in this space, I went to a few different Spanish churches. I am getting the memo from God now: I need to be fluent in this language to connect to a beautiful people in my region. Learning languages, sharing meals, playing sports, and traveling abroad to share the gospel are all tangible ways to tell someone that 1) we are human like them, &2) that God loves them and sees them. It’s not that we are special but it’s that our method of actually leaving our comforts to be with someone is special.

All of my songs on my upcoming 10 song album are my testimony. The last few are about being fearless. Most of them are about love. Love is something I try to really understand and showcase. Jesus is the source of love and so to partner with Him means we can love from a place of no conditions. So first especially in 2021, God imparted love to me through reminding me of the call to missions I have as well as in investing in my music by letting me record my music with friends of my family, denomination, and who are actually Latino. Then, as God provided financially in various ways the past few months, I was ‘filled up’ and ready to overflow.

As soon as we landed in Honduras a week ago, we went door to door inviting people to church under the stars and a tree. (To my delightful surprise most of the churches we connected with and worked for were Foursquare like my university, and denomination my parents represent). We had to hike to reach the homes a bit and many people were so touched when we asked to pray for them before heading to the next home that they cried.

I don’t do missions to feel good about myself though helping others and being in different cultures makes me come alive- I do it for moments like that, when someone is so overwhelmed with your tangible act of knocking on their door, inviting them, and praying for them, that they break down walls and share tears of hope with you. God is always knocking on the doors of our hearts inviting us to ‘sit as His table’. Then He is offering intercession for us, praying the best and paving the way as our Provider.

I know what’s it’s like to be pursued. It feels good. It feels like someone sees you. Well God never stops pursuing and we partnered with His pursuit. Some people apologized when we were with them. “I am sorry for the way I am dressed”- etc. What they were saying is that they did not feel worthy to be invited or prayed for, but in joining hands with them we spoke against shame and said “you are welcome just as you are”. Not only then, but the next day, the same thing, and the next.

Because of COVID so many in Honduras are scared and depressed. They are also struggling with various diseases and hardships. When we hiked up paved and unpaved routes I saw tear after tear flow on multiple people. A boy we prayed for with a kidney issue felt such a change/ difference in his body after we prayed that his family came to church that night to continue to spend time with us. It is not that we are special but that the faith we had to come on this trip, that expectation was special and was met by a good God who not only showed up to love on the Hondurans but allowed us to be vessels of His love. This is my favorite thing-to be a conduit of tangible love.

One day we trekked a few hours to reach a family of mainly women with their children up a hill. They had been waiting and expecting us. They invited as many people as they could on their patio. This particular day I heard God speak subtly to me that morning: “open your mouth and I will fill it”. Sometimes I am full of words and other times, I have no clue what to say. Well with my faithful translator who encouraged me tremendously, I preached about how much God has loved me, provided for me, delivered me from fear, and has given me gifts to glorify Him like singing. (Basically saying everything I am saying now, it was a testimony of ‘look how God provides for me and uses me, why not you too? He can and He will. Let my life encourage you that nothing is impossible and that God gave you those dreams and game plans. Just remember to trust Him and let go’). So I spoke for a while and invited any and all to share with us if they had prayer needs. They lined up and began sharing. Many tears flowed again and I felt humble to be a part of the experience. As we prayed I couldn’t believe it but it started to get extremely windy out of nowhere. It was as if God was saying “I am moving among these people”. Well needless to say they trekked down their hill to the church we were going to minister at that night to come up to declare they felt a call to be missionaries/ ministers themselves. After we had left that house earlier my team was thinking “there must be some huge call on this group of women, like they are going to be ministers or start a church in their city or something” and when they answered the call that night we were all super excited to be a part of what God is doing with them.

Translators

There are too many stories even if only after a week, where people and many children opened up their homes and lives to us and to the message of Jesus’ love. Without sounding redundant I’ll just say that perhaps the most special relationships that Jesus blessed our team with was the ones with our translators. One a pastor, one a local dentist, and the other a university student- Pastor Fernando, Dr. Fabiola, and Brian were mutually encouraged this past week. I love connecting with people from other cultures especially when they are Christian. It was so special for me because my main translator was Dr. Fabi. She’s 27, a year younger than me and we really hit it off as if we were sisters. Some from my team called us inseparable. It was as if we had been friends for a while. We ministered together a lot and encouraged one another. We worship led together and she taught me a ton of Spanish. I probably laughed to the point of tears with Brian most days. & Pastor Fernando kept speaking into my life, what He saw, my gift for languages, preaching, and music. He was like a Father and a familiar face to me while in Honduras for some reason. So Fabi is a worship leader and a pastor’s daughter as well. Her friendship on this trip was a God-send. I am especially thankful to have met and been with them because I believe I will see them again and will continue to be connected. I will treasure my time with them and truly hope to return to translate with them.

Music

I can’t close this random blog without sharing about how I was able to help lead worship at two different churches. Just before one service a storm passed through and yet we saw people trekking through the wind and rain to find a seat under the church which was more like a shed (with only a roof). Singing in Spanish is something I was able to do on my first missions trip to Mexico just weeks after I returned from a French exchange student program I did in France back in 2009. Besides relationships, I encounter God through music. To be able to share this with another culture has always been a highlight. When I was in India I learned a worship song in Tamil and then in Cambodia I was a worship leader at our YWAM base. I harmonized to Khmer worship songs and learned Cambodian chord progressions. This sticks with me like nothing else. I am excited to continue to lead worship at my local FaithRx ministry but now perhaps incorporate some Spanish worship songs too.

When and where’s the next mission? Oh yeah, in my state, next weekend, at the New Orleans mission with a group of fitness friends from FaithRx. Join me? If not on a local endeavor perhaps in another nation like Honduras…Now taking sign ups.

PS “count your miracles”

Enjoy a video with clips from my trip: https://youtu.be/8vIV-tvQ90Y