Sink or Swim

Have you ever heard the song that goes, “the Harvest is here, the Kingdom is near, ask and I’ll give the nations to you, Oh Lord, that’s the cry of my heart, distant shores and the islands will see, your light, as it rises on us”? To whom it may concern,  Sometimes we ask God for things, like the Harvest or the Kingdom, but do we like* what this actually looks like, His reply?  I more often than not can be quite wishy-washy with what I want, feel, need, can do, have margin for, etc. I think it’s initially a gift from God as I can be pretty adaptable to most any given situation. I set expectations low or none at all, so as not to get disappointed and then can become the most happy go-lucky go-with-the-flow enjoyer-of–the-ride person you will meet.  Then on the other hand, I can tend to have a very decided heart when I hear a clear “word of the Lord”. These word(s) of the Lord to me sound quite like a normal conversation with Jesus during my day to day routines (doing laundry, going for swims) or especially at set aside “quiet” times in the mornings or evenings (listening, speaking, and intentionally listening to God and processing the conversation in my journal, reading the Word, listening to worship music, listening to a sermon on YouTube, or singing my own song to God). It’s as if I have two speeds. These two speeds can be meant for good in my life, but also can be hijacked, turning for the worst.  One the one hand, my confidence in God’s direction in my life has led me to do radical things for and with God, i.e. sell and give away all of my belongings at the end of 2017 to move to YWAM SHIPS KONA to be a full time missionary student, to then live on an extended 9 month missions outreach in Cambodia in 2018. My decided heart to trust, not myself, but that if God was actually saying He wanted me to do my DTS last year and live “portable” and full time on the mission field, then, He would have to provide (which He did/does). However, I have wrestled with the fact that my zealousness sometimes can seem overwhelming to some, or over many heads, which is funny because it’s actually over my head most of the time too. However, without love, my zealousness can also be pretty straight forward and in your face. It is more like a clashing symbol pointing people to me and not the one I am listening to (Jesus). So this original design of mine in being so decided, can become futile apart from love.  Another example, is if the Lord tells me not* to do something and then someone immediately invites me to do that very thing, I can sometimes “go with my own flow”, utilizing my adaptability against obedience (not obeying the initial Word of the Lord). Here in YWAM, they say very often “delayed obedience is disobedience”. Ouch. That one hurts a little and is hard to swallow because sometimes I cop out and choose to obey rather late in the game. I want to say that I am 100% arrived at undivided devotion, love, and obedience unto Jesus but quite frankly, I am not…nor will I ever on this side of Heaven be. At least, there is a goal, and that is the goal, and I am aiming for it.  Do I get an “A” for effort?  No, aiming isn’t enough (like having a decided heart), but we must actually take those actions steps that lead towards the arrow actually hitting the mark.  Soaring isn’t always enough either (like being adaptable, going with the flow). I know this, and I position myself as the arrow, aiming towards Jesus, but sometimes, I lose sight of it all. I lose sight of the Harvest and the Kingdom. Up in mid-air/ mid-flight, surrounded by the big heaven-sized Kingdom-on-earth picture and the opportunity to fulfill the greatest commandment through the Great Commission found in Matthew 28, I lose focus. If I lose sight of it all, having been a Christian for longer than a minute, is there any hope? If so, am I qualified to point anyone to this hope”? The answer is yes and no.  In Jesus’ response to Mary and her sister Martha in Luke 10: 41-42, He tells Martha, “My dear, you are worried and upset over all these details. There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”  There is a discovery that we too must make that we will all get to keep (so long as we focus and remain in “abide” mode).  What did Mary discover? She sat at the feet of Jesus, implying a position of a student. I believe she discovered the place of rest, peace, and doing good works all accompany remaining ever so close to the feet of Jesus. To be at the feet is to be at the lowest position, that of being a student, single-mindedly having no control and unapologetically having a decided heart to be a determined learner, one who hungers and thirsts for all things Jesus, keeping ever so close to Him in all things*. In this place, Jesus must truly become the daily bread, and we must live by every word that proceeds His* mouth. His Word/ words carry authority because He “did first” to then teach us to do likewise. He taught us how to pray, cast out demons, love our neighbor, etc. He taught us how to love and lay down our lives. He is asking us to do those things but not in our own strength or effort, but in step with Him. Let me ask you a question. When did Jesus decide to die on the cross? Was it after Judas infamously betrayed him with a kiss? Was it after even being nailed on the tree? Did those nails even truly ‘hold’ Him there? No. Besides Him and God discussing the master plan from the beginning, I believe that Jesus actually decided or had a decided heart in the Garden of Gethsemane when He utters to God, “not my will, but yours be done.” This was the place or point of no return. He wasn’t wishy-washy while on trial or even while Peter denied Him and all of his disciples fled in fear. His eyes were set, and His heart was like flint. Nothing could detour Him, He had prayed for the Harvest and the Kingdom on earth, and He came to terms that it would require His life. He wasn’t running all around in fear nor was caught up in the details of the cross. He remained at the feet of His Father God, who strengthened Him to fight the greatest battle and win so that we could do likewise.  Mary, unbeknownst to her, was tapping into how we as Christians, “fight our battles”. At the feet of Jesus. This is the “Sink or Swim”.  To whom it may concern…actually, dear me: First off, I am a daughter, disciple, and I belong to Jesus. I can either sink back or swim. Both tend to take effort and my breath away, but one makes me engage, fully alive and the other one is like getting benched or “checked out”. Friends, I’m letting you in on the world within my world. Being a follower of Jesus at this point in my life, if not more than ever before, has required truly only moving if Jesus gives me His grace and peace to. I literally have to live by the words that proceed His mouth. Here, I have no clue how to do any of it on my own. I am not able yet I am willing. I am not the best yet I am in the game. The main thing I struggle with, in this season, is that I do have a clear word(s) of the Lord regarding remaining in YWAM and staffing this DTS while leading a new 9 month outreach team into Cambodia in 2019. BUT*, apart from that piece at large, the smaller, broken down, details entailing this year have left me responding, not with zeal, not even so much with a “go with the flow” attitude, but “worried and upset”. I’m not sure where my heart is. I am treading water. How and when did this happen, I don’t know, which is actually a sign of luke-warmness.  Being indecisive, apologetic, unsure, exhausted, and feeling unqualified…these are words for the worried. These are ways of the unwise, for those who don’t know who and who’s they are. It’s as if I am trying to do things in my own strength, effort, for what end? What is driving me? Who told me I had to do that, or didn’t need to do that? Why am I comparing so much? Why am I dissatisfied? Why am I unsure of what God is saying?  Sometimes, when God already said something, we don’t want to really listen and so we feel as if He is no longer speaking. He is speaking, but actually repeating Himself until we get it. We tune Him out, if anything. Why? Because, listening requires responsibility and responsibility action. I’d actually rather go start something new again-live on “honey moon” with the Lord rather remain in constant relationship, abiding in Him, the good shepherd, author and perfecter of my faith, who is calling me to remain. He’s called me to abide and be faithful to the original words He has spoken. Yet, I want things to go, eventually, my way or the highway…and for this fact alone, I have “lost” a level of peace that gave me courage to come out here on the mission’s field in the first place in 2017/2018.  So I am piecing things together in REST at the moment and not in striving. I’m re-evaluating every Word He has spoken and trying to cut away the “fat” that I’ve added to it. I am looking back at my Original Design created to be like Christ and aiming for Jesus not perfection on my own. I am listening again to those songs that spoke courage and life into the mission I am to live on now and continue on. Why? Because that is the feet of Jesus for me, going back to Him to bring me strength and let me know what is worth my time in this season and what isn’t. Instead of returning to the tree where I have to discern what is good or evil, I am returning, as a branch, to the vine that first gave me life and those direct words to live by. I had reverted to being a Martha the moment I was given permission to figure this missionary life thing out on my own. When did I stop believing that God would provide, or care for all I had need of and make things work together for me (Romans 8:28), who is called according to His good plans and purposes? Who gave me such permission? How could I find wisdom apart from God? That is just “chasing after the wind” to no end. That is being “concerned with so many details”.  Whenever that moment happened, I need to RETURN.  I need a stake in the ground. I need to decide before the going gets going. I need to look at how Jesus responded. He said, “not my will, but yours be done”-Obedience to the Father. I need to look at how Mary responded. “At the feet of Jesus”-Stillness next to Jesus.  I already got off of the boat like Peter. I walked on the water. But I did lose focus of Jesus. I began to drown. The choice was mine to sink or swim back to the boat. We know the story, Jesus just reached out His hand, lifted Peter out, and they both* got back in the boat.  Jesus loves to speak to me in the day to day, not just quiet times. When I literally swim, I hear the Lord, like a coach tell me, “one more lap”, “practice your flip”, “try to butterfly this time”, “over and under”, “on your back”, “you don’t need a kick board”, “dolphin swim”, “train here to be able to swim there”, among more. I think, with me anyways, after walking on water (namely living my 2018 as I did unto the Lord and very much with an ‘eyes on the prize’ approach) I find myself now mid-tread, gasping for air, frantic. In only the way Jesus can, instead of me finding myself at His feet, it’s as if He just came down low, into the water, and is swimming back with me to the boat. In this moment, He gets me to focus my efforts and I begin intentionally stroking. Only with His voice and His actually being in the water with me, do I have any courage or comfort. Here, in the water, “immersed” in this way, if you will, I am not ashamed of myself for trying, I am not ashamed that I wasn’t looking at Jesus, I am just happy that He is here now, and is reminding me that He is with me. In this place, I can do no wrong. He is with me, behind and before me, and “all I need to do is worship, bow down, and stay still”. His Holy Spirit is empowering me to “be” and to do. With Holy Spirit, my identity and actions are being re-rooted (re-routed) in truth and not just in editing the way I was wired, for better or for worst. No, He is getting my “yes” again. My re-commitment to see this thing through, namely, the work He has called me to do. He wants me to partner with Him, not to be kicking and screaming all the way resisting the peace He offers when we do things by His Word(s) and His way.  His words to me are that I am to be a full time missionary. The stake in the ground is that there are no plan B’s only strokes forward in His peace and provision. I cannot quit, I am not equipped to back down. I am to remain faithful and to keep running. I am given/ giving myself permission again to “run” and in this running, I will never grow weary. How can I when I am connected to the source? Not on my own strength will I help usher in the Kingdom or bring in the Harvest, but at His feet, I can do no wrong. I will not drown. I will be equipped to do every good work and I will complete it with excellence, all the way, holding His hand every step forward. Whether zealous or wishy-washy, all the while, God will refine us and re-define who we are to Him and what He has called us to do. What exactly has He called me to do (from that place of rest, intimacy, and identity with/in Him) and how am I doing that now? Currently, in Kona, Hawaii, I am first time staffing a YWAM (Youth With a Mission) DTS (Discipleship Training School). I have been here for a month already and am able to help coach, mentor, and run alongside 40 something students ranging for 18-50 years old, alongside a staff of around 18 other ‘disciples’ who are also disciple-making. As staff, we attend and are a part of the student’s full Discipleship Training School schedule. I am here in Kona to walk alongside other disciples.  In YWAM, we say “do first and then teach”. Besides getting a whole re-boot of identity and focus at this point in my missionary journey myself, God is actually using me to speak into the lives of others. I truly am at the end of myself, but it is in this place of vulnerability that I am here staffing this school. God loves to have us be students at heart too “in process” while simultaneously staffing and leading others. We carry authority only when we too have gone through it and are willing to let others see our victories and vulnerability. With that being said, God has highlighted a few and has told me that I am to mentor during the first few months of DTS, a specific some 7 ladies at the moment.  I have been privileged to invite them and others in on my “quiet time”, train our student body on the human trafficking dilemma of our generation, as well as will be teaching a workshop about teaching English and the gospel in the nations.  Our schedule consists of doing what we call “one on ones” where I sit with and allow students to process what God is doing in their life. I bring mentoring and coaching in areas they open up about, but mainly, I listen, to my shock, as they process, what God is simultaneously doing in my own life. Furthermore, as a base, we intercede and worship together, to refocus and RETURN to the feet of Jesus corporately. Here at YWAM SHIPS we have worlds within a world. I do shuttle and airport runs, work duty, weekend breakfasts, all the while preparing for a major endeavor in prayer and practical steps.  With such a fast pace and busy schedule, it’s especially important for me and others to have our “stakes in the ground” and set our face like flint, already decided in advance, so that our decisions reflect our original priority to stick to Jesus and go with Him wherever, however, whenever, and whatever.  God has prepared me specifically to do this, with my frequent faults and tendencies in full swing, regardless, He has chosen me. When I was a camp counselor, youth pastor, French tutor, and then some, God has given me all that I need to be able to lead.  So, not only am I full time staffing this DTS (24/7 discipling program) but am preparing to lead a team into Cambodia for an extended 9 month outreach this 2019. I am, along with my co-leader, gathering visa information, booking flights, making budgets, getting vaccines for the team, training the team in Khmer culture, scheduling Khmer language lessons, and casting vision so that my team of 7, 3 girls including myself and 4 guys, can go to Cambodia and live and serve as missionaries in Poipet. When I say live, I really mean it- life abundant. We are called to live in Cambodia as children of God, where in rest, and in God’s presence, we introduce others to Jesus, we run alongside other indigenous Christians and disciples all the while making disciples; , doing it from a place of being*. I am learning even before we go, not to worrying about all of the details, although we are to be diligent to do what is necessary, from a place of “be”.  Did you catch that 7 again. In the lecture phase (first three months of 2019) here in Kona, God has seven ladies for me to pour into specifically. To my delight, my Cambodia team is a team of 7…it looks like I will consistently be mentoring and learning from, walking alongside 7 this year. I am blessed to live in a discipleship community like this, that obviously will fluctuate, growing in number, as we learn to live a life of love well with one another(INREACH), to therefore, love others well (OUTREACH), bringing them into the family too (John 17 Concept in Full swing).  It is vital to have a decided heart for me in this year especially. I am a leader, and I don’t need to jump up and down, yelling, letting people know, I just am. Just like you are...just “be” it.  If I am wishy-washy or zealous without remaining close to Jesus, that unfortunately could reproduce and be multiplied by 7 throughout this year. I would rather it not be. I would rather Jesus’ radical obedience and committed attitude to the cross to find me as it did Him; so that if and when the nails come, they won’t be the things holding me up there. No, it will be a unwavering commitment to love and to actually allow God’s plan and will be done as it concerns His Kingdom coming to earth and His harvest coming in.  Disclaimer: Though it is true I am leading a team to Cambodia, IT IS NOT all on me! It’s actually Jesus’ ministry and delight to bring all of His children/students/ disciples like myself into the great nation of Cambodia because now is the time for her salvation! What, did you think I was doing this alone, did I? In God’s faithfulness, I am not! Praise God it is not all on me, I am not worthy, holy, ready, smart enough, sure enough, loving enough, or any of that to ever make a dent, but CHRIST IN ME the hope of Glory has given me every key for success to actually make a world of a difference. And so we shall, me, the Poipet faithful base missionaries already there, many of my teammates from last year who went back, those fearless Khmer Christian leaders there, prayer warriors all around the globe-like you?, my new 9 month team, the YWAM DTS ‘umbrella’ and staff covering as well as the YWAM SHIPS base at large*.  I am not alone on this ride. Just a few days ago, our team had a Khmer language lesson with a missionary-to-Cambodia friend from YWAM Kona upper campus. Little by little, God is working it all out and having other harvest workers join in this training time for the next wave. (Will you join us? Why not?) Not to mention, Janea, the same best friend who came out to Cambodia to mission build for 3 months in 2018 arrive this weekend to our YWAM Kona Ships base to mission build and help us train the new team for the next month* before we leave for Cambodia at the end of March! God is faithful even if we are faithless, zealous, or undecided. Isn’t that good news?!  I bring up these harvest workers like Janea or my new Khmer-language-teacher-friend only to say, their role in the body of Christ has extended to our new 9 month Cambodia outreach team.  Thus, their work for Jesus, their investment, has a return multiplied by 7 and then some.  They have reminded me of other harvest workers the Lord has had me learn from during my time youth pastoring and camp counseling. These folks tend to be the “Mary” types, or the “Jesus with the disciples” (as opposed to “Jesus with the crowds”-think about it) types which ends up drawing it out of me again and again until I finally catch it for myself and keep it to then actually hit the mark as far as discipleship, the harvest, and the King/His Kingdom goes. To clarify, the mark is abiding in Jesus, the true vine, for apart from Him we can do nothing, according to John 15:5. Yes, there are many details to staffing in the now and helping shepherd and care for the DTS student body at large, as well as those particular 7 ladies within that…but also into now caring for by stewarding, training, and preparing the new 9 month team to live on the field with success. THEREFORE, I must* “do” it all from a place of “be”…I can’t say that enough for my own self.  So today, because God has given me grace for the day, I am being still to know that God’s got it. I must rest, trust, hear, immediately obey, and never quit. I need to keep at the feet or rather, instead of sink, I need to swim next to my coach. He’ll get me/ keep me on track, but the boat is not the most important thing here, the journey is, the moment to moment, abiding and gliding with Jesus and that will never be taken away from us.  The feet of Jesus for me (that spot of grace, peace, and joy, namely, “swimming”) is being and remaining with Jesus here in Kona into Cambodia in this iron-sharpen-iron, servant leadership environment/ umbrella as a full time* missionary, worshipping and using my voice to lead and train new waves of young and young-at-heart children of God into the nations where we get to partner with what God is already* doing or pioneer with Him new works on His heart that usher in/ bring His Kingdom (glory) and Kingdom culture (from within(reach) to out(reach))...until that Harvest has come in, in full, and until He gets ALL of the GLORY. (There’s a mission statement for you.)     My 2019 schedule brief: Jan-Mar. INREACH DTS staff in Kona // Apr-Dec OUTREACH co-leader, within Poipet- 3 month BCC (Bible Core Course) staff, Poipet base staff in Cambodia   Our Cambodia 2019 OUTREACH looks like doing from a place of being*: (mercy ministry) orphanage, slum ministry, Buddhist school (teaching English), Youth Development Center, Village (preaching gospel to unreached people groups), mentoring street kids, prayer and border ministry, language learning and teaching, brothel and red-light district ministry, hospital volunteering, sports ministry, media ministry (showing the “Jesus film” or Prayer Burn nights), or trash cleanup, among much more-up to Jesus!  Ways for you to engage: (1)PLEASE intercede (pray) for me and the new team that we would stay committed, focused, running the race with endurance and sticking close to Jesus-the most successful thing we could do all year. (2) Grab your “Peace, be still” (my prophetic word over this year) T-Shirt-fundraiser ends Valentine’s Day & proceeds cover my various YWAM staff fees, one on one expenses*(treating students out), or allows me to financially bless some of our Khmer Poipet base staff (they are heading on outreach to China and Thailand with a new wave of Khmer YWAM DTS missionaries-pray). (3)Become a monthly sponsor/supporter: donate direct to my Venmo @Chelsea-Chaisson or PayPal: chelseachaisson@gmail.com. (4) Want to send a care package for me and my team while I’m still in Kona? D/M me for more details on that.  God bless and enjoy these last few and free nuggets: “You will obtain your goal if you maintain your course”-my recent fortune cookie, how fun. “You just need to have a decided heart. Either put up or shut up. Sink or swim. Because making no decision is making a decision and being lukewarm is not an option. So say no to the good to say yes to the best, because your yes is always going to mean a no somewhere else, but it will be worth the sacrifice.”-yours truly, Chelsea. 

Below: I've been here before, but there's so much more to learn, grow, and know. Here, a sunset from our YWAM SHIPS Kona base. 

Below: Never too late: Sue, grandmother from England joins our class for a few days and decides to really "Immerse" herself and dedicate her life whole heartedly to Jesus. As a school and family, we are supporting and cheering on her choice to get water baptized, it was beautiful. 

Below: YWAM SHIPS Newest Cambodia 9 month outreach team. I will be rolling with this crew for the next year. I'm beyond pumped and blessed to be able to co-lead such champions and willing pioneers. 

Above and below from left to right: Meet Jade, Jackson, Levi, Wyatt, Hailey, me, and Nathan! 

Below: A few of us from our YWAM SHIPS JUSTICE AND MEDICAL DTS. It starts here, getting to Know God and one another (Lecture phase, Jan-Mar) and extends to making God known together (by our love) (Outreach phase, April-until, depending). 

Below: A lot of my best time is spent doing "One on One's". One of my girls snapped this photo from our time. "One on One's are just Youth with A Mission lingo for heart talks with students in a very casual and safe place as part of the DTS curriculum but extends beyond that with staff, street folk, and of course, first and foremost, with Jesus! 

Below: As a DTS Discipleship Training School we spend our weekdays in a full on and full time schedule, in class, in work dutys, in meetings, in lines, in transit, etc. training as much as possible from the heart to the head, to be the best representatives of Jesus into the nations. However, before we can make Jesus known through our lives, in word and deed, we first must get to know Him and one another, so that is what we do. Jesus isn’t just in the day to day training times, but also meets us on our weekends where we are off. Adventuring here in Hawaii is pretty cheap if not free, plenty of nature and lots of sea! Here's a group of us staff and students intermingled out and about exploring some trees. 

Above: 2 staff, 2 students eating one large Lucy burrito. Life is better when you share! 

Above: Meet Connie, once a winner of Steve Harvey's Family fued, now a registered nurse and YWAM staff, helping missions one fundraiser at a time. Not only did she just orchestrate a taco fundraiser night for our base to undergo some much needed repairs and remodeling, but she also supported and is sporting my recent and LIVE until Valentine’s Day t-shirt fundraiser! Twin with us, get yours today, various styles and shades to choose from, sport and support my mission work here with YWAM: 

https://www.bonfire.com/fundraising-for-missionary-work/

Below: Wanting to become a monthly supporter of what God is doing here through me in Kona unto the nations like Cambodia? Send your monetary support via VENMO or PayPal: chelseachaisson@gmail.com 

Below: Prayer Warriors, please keep me, my new team, our base here in Kona and in Poipet Cambodia, our 9 month outreach, and the nation of Cambodia in your daily prayers! 

Above: Comparing my DTS photo from last year as a student to this one, this year, as a staff, you may see hair growth, but I see growth into my destiny. I have a decided heart, no turning back. 

Above: The classroom, a safe and sacred place to meet Jesus here at YWAM DTS. It may start here but it sure doesn't stop here. It's only the beginning. 

Above and Below: Don't want to miss out on first looks or fundraiser reminders regarding missions here in Kona and Cambodia?! chelseachaisson.com SUBSCRIBERS get the inside scoop and stay in the loop. Subscribe today!